Meet T1D Momma, Kelly S.
Hi! So, I love being part of this group.
It is amazing to be able to connect with other T1D women in a similar age group who are dealing with similar issues. I LOVE reading the posts about new little ones coming into this world born to T1 moms! At the same time, as I read these posts with happy outcomes, selfishly it also makes me a little sad that I will most likely not be able to have another baby. I also wonder if there are other T1 mommas out there that are having the same feelings. I am pretty sure there are, so I thought it might be helpful to share my journey, which has been quite the roller coaster dealing with infertility AND having T1.
In my mid-thirties, after I had established a career and felt financially and emotionally ready to have a baby, my husband and I started “trying”. The reality is I hadn’t had a period in almost a decade. I mentioned that to my ob/gyn when I was 32, she told me not to worry about it, she said “you have plenty of time, when you are ready, we will figure it out”. Well, fast-forward a few years, it took over 3 months for the medication they gave me (progesterone) to trigger a period. After that, we tried naturally via ovulation tests and timed intercourse. No luck.
At the time my A1C was around an 8.0 and I had been working to get it down. I felt that no matter how hard I tried, it wouldn’t budge. I had previously been labeled as a brittle diabetic (whatever that means). All I knew is that I was super sensitive to exercise, food, and insulin. Taking a 20-minute walk would drop me 150 or eating 3 carbs without blousing would have me at a 300. There was literally no room for error, so needless to say I was pretty much fighting highs or battling lows most of the time. My husband and I decided to make an appointment with a fertility specialist who let us know that they could not move forward with any treatments until they got the approval from my endo or maternal fetal medicine doctor. Neither would approve moving forward with an A1C of 8.0. I felt like I was being held hostage. I was up against my biological clock and no one cared that I was aging myself out of being able to have a baby. I tried for 6 more months to get my A1C down. I was able to get it to a 7.8, but that was it. Thankfully my MFM doctor gave the go ahead to my fertility team citing that even with an “undesirable” A1C of 7.8, I had no complications and that she feared that if I waited any longer it might compromise my chances of having a baby at all. My husband and I decided to go right to IVF, at this point I was 38.
“I felt like I was being held hostage. I was up against my biological clock and no one cared that I was aging myself out of being able to have a baby.”
The choice to pursue IVF
I was super hopeful because I had heard so many success stories of IVF working for so many women. However, once I looked into the statistics it was overwhelming and depressing. I had pretty bad reactions to the drugs that I had to take, I gained 15 pounds right off the bat, I was depressed and even thought about suicide, which was so unlike me. The drugs also caused my blood sugars to run super high–especially the progesterone. Even though I was working with a diabetes educator, I would still end up on the 300’s consistently. Long story short, I ended up with 4 good quality embryos. The first round of IVF we transferred 2 embryos, my pregnancy test was positive, but the hormone levels were low and I ended up miscarrying early on. I was crushed. After about 6 months or so, I decided to transfer the other 2 embryos.
At that point I had switched endos because my current endo was too far from my new house. I met with my new endo the week before my transfer coincidentally. I told her that I was in the middle of IVF and she was very surprised given my “high” A1C. She then proceeded to call my fertility doctor and let him know that she felt he was being irresponsible by helping me to get pregnant with such a high A1C. My fertility doctor told me that he would not be able to move forward unless my MFM doctor sent another note stating that even given my high A1C she would still recommend moving forward. Once again, I felt like a hostage because of my disease. Luckily my MFM doctor was on board and gave the go ahead. All of that said, the second round had the same outcome, positive pregnancy test, but ended in an early miscarriage. It was devastating. I had no more embryos to transfer and I knew that I could not go through the egg retrieval process again. When going through the egg retrieval process the first time, I didn’t feel like myself at all and I was actually terrified that if I was in fact pregnant that I would never be able to shake the depression. So, after a long discussion, my husband and I decided we would adopt.
The process of adoption is intense. You basically have to “sell” yourself as parents with photos and a story. I would have to disclose that I had a T1D which worried me because I wondered what mom would want to give their child to a parent who has an illness that could cause pre-mature death leaving their child without a parent? Right before we submitted our “story” to the adoption agency, we decided to give one last shot to having our own child. I was almost 40 at this point and thought it was now or never. I knew that I didn’t want to go through IVF again so we decided to try IUI. I went to a different fertility doctor this time and told her my whole story. She was very positive about the whole thing and kept reminding me that we only needed one good egg. I never really thought it would work, but when I took the pregnancy test it was positive!
“I LOVED being pregnant. It was one of the happiest times of my life.”
I couldn’t believe it! I, of course, was nervous the whole pregnancy because it was hard for me to believe that the baby was going to be ok after all of the previous disappointments. I LOVED being pregnant. It was one of the happiest times of my life. Outside of some nausea at the beginning and swollen ankles at the end, it was pretty easy. I was able to get my A1C down to a 5.4! The insulin resistance actually helped me. Of course I had to manage it super closely. I had a CGM and did a lot of super bolusing and walking after meals. I was induced at 38 weeks due to concerns over placental failure and after a failed induction and somewhat traumatic labor that ended in a C-section, I had a perfectly healthy baby girl! I couldn’t have been happier.
Fast forward to 3 years later
Fast forward to 3 years later, my husband and I have been trying for over a year. We have done a few rounds of IUI, but my new fertility doctor (we moved from CA to FL in December 2019) told us that he wouldn’t even recommend IVF for me given my low egg count. He thought that donor eggs or adoption would be best for us–my husband is not on board with either of these options at the moment, he thinks we should be happy with our one perfect happy little girl. To say I am devastated would be an understatement. I got that news literally the day before the world shut down and I have been dealing with that during lock down. I have been grieving the fact that my daughter will never have a sibling, that I will never experience pregnancy again, the fact that I did everything I was “supposed” to do and still it wasn’t enough.
I am so eternally grateful to have been blessed with Kira, our happy healthy 3-year-old, but I am also trying to process the gut wrenching grief that I am feeling. I wanted to share my story with all of you to acknowledge all of those T1D mommas out there who are trying to conceive but haven’t yet, those who have miscarried, and those that would love to have more but who are unable to do so. While I love to hear about all of those happy endings that result in babies, I think it would also be helpful for all of us to hear about all of the struggles that T1 mommas are experiencing as well.
