Meet T1D Momma, Ashley V.

*Sensitive Topics Discussed in regards to birth complications

Life is a journey and sometimes there are bumps in the road to get to your happy ending. The desire to add to our family kept us going.  

When you are a woman married to another woman, both of whom desire to carry a baby, the choice seems obvious. One wife can carry the first baby and the other can carry the next...easy right? But what if both wives are considered high risk? This was our dilemma, and here is our journey toward growing our family. 

Our First Baby.

Jayme and I have been a couple since our son Jackson was five months old. I carried Jackson and gave birth to him via emergency c section at 35 weeks gestation after a high blood pressure reading. At that point, I was 28 years old, had been living with Type 1 Diabetes since the age of seven, and was sticking my finger multiple times a day while also using the support of an insulin pump. My only knowledge of Type 1 Diabetes and pregnancy was from a book I was able to order which helped me understand the effects of my blood sugars on the baby’s development. I planned my pregnancy and made sure my A1C was in a good range before even attempting to get pregnant. I made the decision to remain with my OBGYN and Pediatric Endocrinologist, neither of which were trained or had experience in dealing with Type 1 Diabetes and pregnancy. But overall the pregnancy went well, and although I delivered Jackson five weeks early, he spent an uneventful nine days in the NICU and then came home. Having Type 1 Diabetes and being pregnant is like having a full-time job, though, and the high blood pressures were scary so once Jayme and I were a family, I did not anticipate carrying another baby.

Not everything has to happen the Old Fashion Way;)

When Jackson was two, Jayme and I got married and decided to start the process to add to our family. There are a few different ways a same-sex couple can go about this, and we decided to choose an anoynomous sperm-donor through a local sperm bank and have Jayme have intrauterine insemenation through our medical insurance provider’s fertility clinic. There was preliminary blood work and ultrasounds done in preparation for the procedures, and it was through this testing that we found out that Jayme only had one kidney, one ovary, one fallopian tube, and half of her uterus, otherwise known as a unicornuate uterus. All of the sudden, she was considered a high risk pregnancy, and the process to get her pregnant would be more complicated than originally expected. After five failed intrauterine inseminations and two failed rounds of in vitro fertilization over a two year period, Jayme finally became pregnant using a known donor sperm and a procedure done at home. We were elated to finally be pregnant, but having only half a uterus complicated the pregnancy and required more monitoring than usual. We were told prior to Jayme getting pregnant that her missing a kidney and half her reproductive system was a fluke and not something she should be concerned about passing down to an offspring.

Sometimes there is heartache.

Once we made it through the first trimester, we felt safe enough with the progression of her pregnancy to announce it to family and friends, and we paid for an ultrasound to learn the gender of the baby early. We were excited to find out we would be adding another little boy to the family. Within two weeks of learning the gender, we went for an appointment that revealed that Jayme’s amniotic fluid was low and the Perniantologist suspected that our little boy could be having kidney issues. Further testing showed that he in fact had not developed either kidney, a fatal condition known as Bilateral Renal Agenesis. Despite receiving experimental treatments called amnioinfusion, Jayme’s water broke at 26 weeks pregnant and after a five week hospital stay she had our little boy, Gavin, via c section. He survived seven hours before passing away peacefully in Jayme’s arms while our family and medical team surrounded us. We tried for another year to get Jayme pregnant again, and after many failed pregnancy tests and tears we made the decision to stop trying.

Four and a half years after the loss of Gavin I still could not get the idea of adding to our family out of my mind, but Jayme was reluctant to talk about it because the thought of me carrying another baby scared her. I was already in relatively good control of my diabetes, but I met with my Endocrinologist, a different one than I had been seeing during my pregnancy with Jackson, and she told me exactly where my A1C would need to be and for how long in order for my diabetes control to be optimal for pregnancy. I worked very hard for a year, got the go ahead from my Endocrinologist, and then approached Jayme and told her that I wanted to try and get pregnant. I was 36 at the time, and I knew our window of opportunity was closing. I let her know that my Endocrinologist was already on board, and we started the process. We figured that it would take a few months for me to get pregnant, especially because the timing needed to be near perfect, but I ended up pregnant right away.

Emotions hit hard.

Our first appointment to confirm the pregnancy was emotional and brought back so many heartbreaking memories.  They got easier after that, and the pregnancy progressed well.  My Endocrinologist and Perinatologist were both very well trained in Type 1 Diabetes and Pregnancy, and although there were weekly appointments that kept me busy and a lot of bloodwork to do often based on my age, I felt very well taken care of and monitored.  This time around, I monitored my diabetes with the help of an insulin pump and a Continuous Glucose Monitor, making my control much tighter.  I was able to discuss my birth plan with my team and emphasized that although I would be having a repeat c-section we wanted to be communicated with during the procedure and made aware of any possible needs of the baby or myself along the way.  My c-section with Jackson had been an emergency, and I didn’t truly feel like I had been communicated with during his birth and when he was taken to the NICU.  I had been left alone to recover without being told what was happening, and I did not want a repeat of that.  I also wanted my diabetes care to be followed and monitored while I was in the hospital for the baby’s birth.

Expect the unexpected.

I had a scheduled c-section planned, but unfortunately due to repeat high blood pressures, I had our little girl, Grace, in another emergency c-section at 37 weeks. She came out screaming and perfect and did not require a NICU stay. She was the first of our babies that was able to remain with us during the entire hospital stay and go home with us on my discharge date.

Our story has a happy ending.

The journey to grow our family had many ups and downs, and the pregnancies were stressful and complicated, but all three of our babies were worth it, and I could not be more proud of the lessons and love gained along the way.